This week has led me to reflect on some of the unique trials and experiences I have had this last year. I found myself drawn very inward on the 13th. It was a special day to me, and also a very sad one. Many don't know this, but before I had my battle with a serious infection last year, I was pregnant. Just before we realized something was wrong, I miscarried. The 13th of March was my due date. As I ran around the park after my almost-two-year-old, I couldn't help but imagine the firm kicks of a baby in my belly. I found myself wondering again why things had to happen that way. I do think it was mercy, that we lost the baby before surgery. If we hadn't, then it would have been taken. Still, in my mother's heart I felt painfully aware that something had indeed gone missing.
Eventually, I began trying to retrieve myself from that painful place in my memories. You see, being a stay at home mom oftentimes leaves you feeling like a broken record. Here in my home, alone with my child and my thoughts, it is the most emotional memories, be they sad or happy, that resurface and keep me company during my daily activities.
While pondering that pain of loss, and also trying to grasp the joy of the present, I recalled a quote from October general conference, in which President Thomas S. Monson said something to the effect of, "trials and tribulations are universal". You see, we often forget that the cracks and crevaces of every life are filled with untold things; wounds, regrets, pain, unanswered questions, the list goes on. The point is, everyone has had to, or will need to, recover from something that is too personal, too painful, and too deep to fully describe or even understand. Having experienced severe physical pain, and all the emotional trauma that follows, I have learned something that I find quite profound.
You see, it is very easy for us to imagine that once severe physical pain and suffering has ended, that all the good feelings and emotions and abilities come rushing back in to fill up the aching and empty space that has been left void inside of us. But this is not how it goes. (Something I really didn't know before it happened to me). You see, once grief has carved a canyon inside of you, it becomes your job to go along behind it and fill up those jagged walls with something new and beautiful and healing. This is an arduous task that I personally have been dealing with for about 5 months straight now.
For example, not a day goes by that I don't remember being wheeled away from my loved ones, down a dimly lit hall, and then laid on a cold steel operating table with a dozen unfamiliar, masked faces looking down at me with such seriousness. I remember waking up in an unfamiliar place, filled with pain and feeling overwhelmed by the state I was in. The following weeks were filled in equal portions with bitter and sweet. And I couldn't help but cry out, "Why me?" I'm sure we have all experienced this at some point in our lives.
I cannot forget the terrible pain and fear and uncertainty that filled me for so long, both from pain of loss and pain of sickness. I still wonder, what was it all for? It is times like this, when the storm is passed and what remains are scars and memories, that I have begun to try and show more gratitude for my blessings. There are so very many. In this way, the painful things have gained a purpose; they help us recognize the good that most certainly exists. Am I grateful for pain? No, not really. (Don't judge! Achieving of perfection way in progress here). But I am grateful that pain and sickness and healing have run their course. Now I have the opportunity to rebuild those parts of myself that were broken and make them stronger and better than they were.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Sunday, October 27, 2013
We are more....
In the recent past I have faced a strange new challenge, which many of you are likely aware of. It all began with a small bump on my left arm above the elbow. The bump revealed itself in time to be a seriously infected absess, which later relocated to my upper arm and right leg. Three surgeries, two months, seven different prescriptions, and at least a dozen doctors later, I still have no answer for what is happening to my body or why.
The best advice my surgeon and wound care physician could offer is to rest as much as possible, avoid using my arm and leg, and eat enough fruits and vegetable to sink a ship. (They lied about that last part, we surpassed ship-sinking maybe 30 days ago.....) So in the meantime I have found myself living a completely different pace of life. On a normal day, my pre-sick self would be up and running after my 15 month old son. We would bake food and spend hours enjoying it together, take long walks along the tiny streets that weave through our town, play for hours at the park and enjoy the sunlight, play the piano and occasionally, snuggle up and feel the soft embrace of my child. Suddenly these things are not allowed. I am not allowed to pick up my son, to do anything the tires me, to use my arm, to run, to let my baby sit on my leg, or even linger in the sunshine.
Most of my time has been spent in bed or on the couch, resting, pondering, and sleeping. (The sleeping is due entirely to these nifty things call pain killers. I have decided I like them). A more recent past time that I have adopted is to try listening to general conference talks more frequently. The other day I heard a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland and he stated, "We are infinitely more than our afflictions and our infirmities....." I have pondered this all week. There are so many different kinds of sicknesses; mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. And through out my entire trial I have faced one significant challenge; I remain undiagnosed. No one seems to know what is wrong with my body. Where did this infection or sorts come from? When will it go away? Can it be cured? How many more surgeries will I need? The list goes on. I have come to accept that while life is full of frustrating situations, I can still find peace despite the struggles. Life is frustrating, but I don't have to be frustrated. Sometimes, when you are in a trial with no answers, and little certainty of what is to come, you must grit your teeth, clench your fists, and lean forward with whatever strength you have, straining against the rain, wind, and down right continental-sized road blocks that are before you. At times I have found myself with less strength and will power and hope than I ever believed I would. And like anyone who has passed through trial, I have looked to the sky and cried, "why me? Why won't it stop raining on me?" As I revisit and try to rise above the depressive nature of sickness, I have reminded myself often of Holland's quote. And when I feel so sad, I tell myself, "I am more than my sickness, I am more than my infection, I am more than my surgeries, my limitations, and my lack of understanding. I. Am. More."I still have no answers for what is happening, or why, or how long. But I do know that I will be well again one day, I will do again the things that bring me such immense joy. For now, I get through by remembering that while I feel small, I am certainly more than this.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
R.e.s.p.e.c.t
Hi all,
I felt a strong need to write my feelings about respect, today. It seems like everywhere we turn someone is blaring loud, vulgar, and degrading things.Even social media networks are being used as hateful platforms for people to disrespect and mock each others religious and cultural beliefs. The headlines tell stories of broken homes, broken hearts, and the failing facets of home and society. The mistakes of others are all we hear about. Does anyone ever turn of their TV/computer and feel like crying? I know that I do. You all know that I am a member of the LDS church. My beliefs have taught me to respect everyone around me, despite our differences, WHATEVER they may be. This is a challenge that all members of the church face daily, especially when popular beliefs are increasingly polarized from our own. But I have chosen to look at each person as a child of God, because I believe that we are all part of the same great heritage. This means that while we all have our differences, we each deserve mutual love and respect from one another. I don't want to stand on a soap box and tell you what I think I am doing right, or what society is doing wrong. But I DO KNOW that when respect is given, it will be returned somewhere down the road. It's not our job to judge one another, it's our responsibility to love and RESPECT one another. We may not agree, we may stand on different sides of the field, etc. But I believe that there is a Father in Heaven who is fair, who knows us all perfectly, and who will stand with us when we accept his invitation to love everyone the way that Christ did. This is my mission in life; to love the way that the Savior taught us to. So please, whatever our differences may be, choose to show compassion and love instead of cynicism and hate. I won't judge you, because that's not my job. But if you let me, I will show love to everyone that I can.
I felt a strong need to write my feelings about respect, today. It seems like everywhere we turn someone is blaring loud, vulgar, and degrading things.Even social media networks are being used as hateful platforms for people to disrespect and mock each others religious and cultural beliefs. The headlines tell stories of broken homes, broken hearts, and the failing facets of home and society. The mistakes of others are all we hear about. Does anyone ever turn of their TV/computer and feel like crying? I know that I do. You all know that I am a member of the LDS church. My beliefs have taught me to respect everyone around me, despite our differences, WHATEVER they may be. This is a challenge that all members of the church face daily, especially when popular beliefs are increasingly polarized from our own. But I have chosen to look at each person as a child of God, because I believe that we are all part of the same great heritage. This means that while we all have our differences, we each deserve mutual love and respect from one another. I don't want to stand on a soap box and tell you what I think I am doing right, or what society is doing wrong. But I DO KNOW that when respect is given, it will be returned somewhere down the road. It's not our job to judge one another, it's our responsibility to love and RESPECT one another. We may not agree, we may stand on different sides of the field, etc. But I believe that there is a Father in Heaven who is fair, who knows us all perfectly, and who will stand with us when we accept his invitation to love everyone the way that Christ did. This is my mission in life; to love the way that the Savior taught us to. So please, whatever our differences may be, choose to show compassion and love instead of cynicism and hate. I won't judge you, because that's not my job. But if you let me, I will show love to everyone that I can.
Monday, November 19, 2012
A new Newsletter
Hi all,
this week I would like to talk about an exciting announcement! Recently in my ward, the Ashland OR ward, I was asked to serve as the communications specialist. This entails the management of a newsletter that is sent out to hundreds of women via paper and email. I would like to offer the email address for any of you who may be interested in subscribing. We don't charge you anything! It is only a few pages long, filled with uplifting insights from local women and announcements about humanitarian, service, and enrichment activities that all occur locally.
ashlandsister2sister@gmail.com
Simply email us from your own address and we will send you a copy of our new edition each month.
I hope you will take advantage of this as a tool for personal enrichment, as well as a method of connecting with women in your community.
Thank you!
Cierra
this week I would like to talk about an exciting announcement! Recently in my ward, the Ashland OR ward, I was asked to serve as the communications specialist. This entails the management of a newsletter that is sent out to hundreds of women via paper and email. I would like to offer the email address for any of you who may be interested in subscribing. We don't charge you anything! It is only a few pages long, filled with uplifting insights from local women and announcements about humanitarian, service, and enrichment activities that all occur locally.
ashlandsister2sister@gmail.com
Simply email us from your own address and we will send you a copy of our new edition each month.
I hope you will take advantage of this as a tool for personal enrichment, as well as a method of connecting with women in your community.
Thank you!
Cierra
Monday, October 29, 2012
How Much is Your Time Really Worth?
Hey all,
I wanted to share some thoughts I've recently had about my experiences as a new mom. As children we are all taught to prioritize, to make the most of our time and it's valuable capital. This habit is drilled so deeply into some of us, that we become OCD checklisters. Every task is an opportunity for success; an additional gold star we can place on our daily report card. But what happens when we have to experience a change in pace? For some, a kind of culture shock ensues when forced to kiss the fast paced race track good bye. No more clean white lines, freshly mowed grass, or crowds who would cheer you on as you sped through your mile marks with long easy strides. Now you are in the slow lane, your legs are hobbled, and their is a gaggle of small manufactured items sprawling at your feet. Certainly, you are still mobile. Mind you, sometimes crawling, crab-walking, rolling, or hopping on one foot - sometimes all at the same time - but still inching forward each day.
This monumental change in life style can be a devastating shock, and a crippling disappointment for many. How can you come to terms with the fact that your life is irrevocably altered? Now that I have joined the ranks of the hobbled, I find myself with more time to ponder and self reflect than I have ever had before. For the record, I use the term "hobbled" only as a binary to "fast-paced". Not to say that motherhood is disabling, or harmful to the soul! But it certainly is a complete change from the life style that I have known. But I can only speak for myself. Prior to pregnancy and giving birth, I had the tendency of whizzing around, circling the globe several times a day at top speeds; hair flying check marks popping up all over.
And yet, I have found tremendous joy in running on this new track. (More like crab-walking most days...) At first being stuck to the couch, or bed, or chair, with a flailing, nursing, diaper-clad boy was neither fun nor rewarding. Ouch. You mean, I have to nurse him every time he is hungry? And change the diaper too? :/ But these are the realities of motherhood. It's a messy business. And at the same time, it can be incredibly rewarding. I was not aware of this silver lining when I first landed in the big sticky cloud that is motherhood. After weeks of late nights, early mornings, little sleep, and lots of other new experiences, I have had an epiphany; my time IS being well-spent.
From my understanding, most of motherhood consists of this very thing; overcoming the feeling that our time is wasted or that we accomplish little in life. But what did you expect? When your baby is young, you spend half of your time nursing him, and most of the other half RECOVERING from nursing him. And so it goes until they are grown - (and to my knowledge, NO ONE had found a short cut around this lengthy task....... yet.)Meanwhile, you are giving life every day, all day, to someone who desperately needs YOUR love, attention, help, knowledge, strength, devotion, and every other quality you developed while circling the globe.
So moms, if you are reading this, do yourself a favor; be happy, because your time IS well spent. You are needed, you are loved, and you are irreplaceable. Never doubt that.
I wanted to share some thoughts I've recently had about my experiences as a new mom. As children we are all taught to prioritize, to make the most of our time and it's valuable capital. This habit is drilled so deeply into some of us, that we become OCD checklisters. Every task is an opportunity for success; an additional gold star we can place on our daily report card. But what happens when we have to experience a change in pace? For some, a kind of culture shock ensues when forced to kiss the fast paced race track good bye. No more clean white lines, freshly mowed grass, or crowds who would cheer you on as you sped through your mile marks with long easy strides. Now you are in the slow lane, your legs are hobbled, and their is a gaggle of small manufactured items sprawling at your feet. Certainly, you are still mobile. Mind you, sometimes crawling, crab-walking, rolling, or hopping on one foot - sometimes all at the same time - but still inching forward each day.
This monumental change in life style can be a devastating shock, and a crippling disappointment for many. How can you come to terms with the fact that your life is irrevocably altered? Now that I have joined the ranks of the hobbled, I find myself with more time to ponder and self reflect than I have ever had before. For the record, I use the term "hobbled" only as a binary to "fast-paced". Not to say that motherhood is disabling, or harmful to the soul! But it certainly is a complete change from the life style that I have known. But I can only speak for myself. Prior to pregnancy and giving birth, I had the tendency of whizzing around, circling the globe several times a day at top speeds; hair flying check marks popping up all over.
And yet, I have found tremendous joy in running on this new track. (More like crab-walking most days...) At first being stuck to the couch, or bed, or chair, with a flailing, nursing, diaper-clad boy was neither fun nor rewarding. Ouch. You mean, I have to nurse him every time he is hungry? And change the diaper too? :/ But these are the realities of motherhood. It's a messy business. And at the same time, it can be incredibly rewarding. I was not aware of this silver lining when I first landed in the big sticky cloud that is motherhood. After weeks of late nights, early mornings, little sleep, and lots of other new experiences, I have had an epiphany; my time IS being well-spent.
From my understanding, most of motherhood consists of this very thing; overcoming the feeling that our time is wasted or that we accomplish little in life. But what did you expect? When your baby is young, you spend half of your time nursing him, and most of the other half RECOVERING from nursing him. And so it goes until they are grown - (and to my knowledge, NO ONE had found a short cut around this lengthy task....... yet.)Meanwhile, you are giving life every day, all day, to someone who desperately needs YOUR love, attention, help, knowledge, strength, devotion, and every other quality you developed while circling the globe.
So moms, if you are reading this, do yourself a favor; be happy, because your time IS well spent. You are needed, you are loved, and you are irreplaceable. Never doubt that.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
A Beautiful Thing
Hi there,
I guess I lied in my last post. Which was a long time ago. I recall saying something to the effect of, "I will post more often from now on....". Definitely a fail! But I have a very good excuse, it's even better than my last one. :) I had a baby! Now you may smile and cheer, and give me thumbs up.
A lot of you have asked how it went. Many of you have heard. But I wanted to recap some of it, so that I could share this experience with anyone else who might not have been filled in.
Because Jason and I were working in northern California all summer, we were concerned about the three hour long, windy car ride to the hospital. The hazardous HWY 96 is packed with wildlife, falling rocks, falling trees, crazy drivers, and plenty of other tricky things. For these reasons, we asked my OB to induce labor.
On the night of Saturday, July 21, 2012, we went to RVMC to begin the labor process. The hooked me up to a saline drip and gave me cytotech, a pill that ripens the cervix. They also gave me a sleeping pill, which they said would help me sleep through the contractions which cytotech would most likely induce. Well, guess what? IT BROUGHT ON THE CONTRACTIONS. So much so that I could not sleep, even with the sleeping pill in my system. So I was beyond exhausted and very frustrated that I hadn't had any rest the night before delivering a baby.
On Sunday morning my parents came and brought me goodies. Praise to mom and dad for seeing that my labor was fueled by strawberry smoothies. You rock.
The contractions increased in length and intensity throughout the morning. By noon I felt myself reaching pain levels that I had never imagined. Girls, ENJOY your period cramps because someday, the real pain arrives and you will be praying for those menstrual fiends to come back. Trust me.
My birthing plan had been to wait as long as possible and then maybe ask for an epidural. When the time came, I felt like it was right for me. So I asked for one.
Once the epidural set in, I felt so much better. And, to be honest, I am really glad I did it. In birthing class we hear about the potential side effects of the epidural, and our well-intending nurses often discourage them.
I'm not trying to say that an epidural is the answer to labor pains, or that those who choose natural birth are wackos psyched out on labor adrenaline. From my experience, it is a personal choice that every mother should be allowed to make without fear of criticism. Every body, every baby, and every delivery is different. Give mother the courtesy of being allowed to make their own decision about what is best for them and their baby.
I received my epidural at 1:30, and by 4:15 I was pushing. At 4:38 Zach was born. Naturally, I cried like ninny and was loopy from exhaustion (not from the epidural!). Having the epidural allowed me to focus mentally and physically as I delivered. I could still feel my muscles engaged as I pushed. I didn't feel numbed, but I felt relieved and in control. To me, that made all the difference. I recall the experience so clearly, and that's because I wasn't distracted by pain.
Of course, I realize that everyone experiences pain in a different way, and for some mothers, and epidural would not have gone over as well as mine did. I am grateful that I was able to have one without side effects and I encourage mothers to consider them.
On Tuesday, July 24th we brought Zach home from the hospital. For two months now we have been blessed by this little boy. He is smarter, wiser, and more commanding than both Jason and I combined. He's cuter too, but we can forgive him all of that. :)
It's true what they say; you forget the pain once the baby arrives. But don't let that scare you, because like all good things, it is worth the sacrifice. Forget the pain, and embrace the experience.
I guess I lied in my last post. Which was a long time ago. I recall saying something to the effect of, "I will post more often from now on....". Definitely a fail! But I have a very good excuse, it's even better than my last one. :) I had a baby! Now you may smile and cheer, and give me thumbs up.
A lot of you have asked how it went. Many of you have heard. But I wanted to recap some of it, so that I could share this experience with anyone else who might not have been filled in.
Because Jason and I were working in northern California all summer, we were concerned about the three hour long, windy car ride to the hospital. The hazardous HWY 96 is packed with wildlife, falling rocks, falling trees, crazy drivers, and plenty of other tricky things. For these reasons, we asked my OB to induce labor.
On the night of Saturday, July 21, 2012, we went to RVMC to begin the labor process. The hooked me up to a saline drip and gave me cytotech, a pill that ripens the cervix. They also gave me a sleeping pill, which they said would help me sleep through the contractions which cytotech would most likely induce. Well, guess what? IT BROUGHT ON THE CONTRACTIONS. So much so that I could not sleep, even with the sleeping pill in my system. So I was beyond exhausted and very frustrated that I hadn't had any rest the night before delivering a baby.
On Sunday morning my parents came and brought me goodies. Praise to mom and dad for seeing that my labor was fueled by strawberry smoothies. You rock.
The contractions increased in length and intensity throughout the morning. By noon I felt myself reaching pain levels that I had never imagined. Girls, ENJOY your period cramps because someday, the real pain arrives and you will be praying for those menstrual fiends to come back. Trust me.
My birthing plan had been to wait as long as possible and then maybe ask for an epidural. When the time came, I felt like it was right for me. So I asked for one.
Once the epidural set in, I felt so much better. And, to be honest, I am really glad I did it. In birthing class we hear about the potential side effects of the epidural, and our well-intending nurses often discourage them.
I'm not trying to say that an epidural is the answer to labor pains, or that those who choose natural birth are wackos psyched out on labor adrenaline. From my experience, it is a personal choice that every mother should be allowed to make without fear of criticism. Every body, every baby, and every delivery is different. Give mother the courtesy of being allowed to make their own decision about what is best for them and their baby.
I received my epidural at 1:30, and by 4:15 I was pushing. At 4:38 Zach was born. Naturally, I cried like ninny and was loopy from exhaustion (not from the epidural!). Having the epidural allowed me to focus mentally and physically as I delivered. I could still feel my muscles engaged as I pushed. I didn't feel numbed, but I felt relieved and in control. To me, that made all the difference. I recall the experience so clearly, and that's because I wasn't distracted by pain.
Of course, I realize that everyone experiences pain in a different way, and for some mothers, and epidural would not have gone over as well as mine did. I am grateful that I was able to have one without side effects and I encourage mothers to consider them.
On Tuesday, July 24th we brought Zach home from the hospital. For two months now we have been blessed by this little boy. He is smarter, wiser, and more commanding than both Jason and I combined. He's cuter too, but we can forgive him all of that. :)
It's true what they say; you forget the pain once the baby arrives. But don't let that scare you, because like all good things, it is worth the sacrifice. Forget the pain, and embrace the experience.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
White Cloud Press
Hello folks!
I wanted to let you know about an exciting internship that I have been working on this term. I am working with Steve Scholl, founder of White Cloud Press, to start a brand new website/blog. The name of the site is "This Week with God". The purpose of the site is to discuss current worldwide religious and spiritual events, article, news, and products. My role is to help manage site content and offer a stylistic touch! It has been a rough start so far, since the web administration has not been smooth. But thanks to help from friends at Dot.Com Jungle, we are now charging ahead.
If you are interested, the site will be a gerat forum for public discussion and education. Please check it out. The site is still in prep phase, but will be available in the next two weeks. Let me know what you think!
'This Week With God' via Wordpress.com
I wanted to let you know about an exciting internship that I have been working on this term. I am working with Steve Scholl, founder of White Cloud Press, to start a brand new website/blog. The name of the site is "This Week with God". The purpose of the site is to discuss current worldwide religious and spiritual events, article, news, and products. My role is to help manage site content and offer a stylistic touch! It has been a rough start so far, since the web administration has not been smooth. But thanks to help from friends at Dot.Com Jungle, we are now charging ahead.
If you are interested, the site will be a gerat forum for public discussion and education. Please check it out. The site is still in prep phase, but will be available in the next two weeks. Let me know what you think!
'This Week With God' via Wordpress.com
Thursday, April 5, 2012
After a REALLY long time.....
Many of you may have been wondering whether or not I have fallen off the face of the earth and consequently ended my blogging days. I am happy to report that this is not the case! For now, let's blame my writing hiatus on a major case of senioritus. (i.e., the diminishment of one's motivational and mental capacity for completion of required schoolwork and other activities due to intense academic activity). Yeah, that.
Today I want to talk about juice! That's right, the good stuff. :)
As you have probably heard at some point in your life, and doubtless have shrugged off on occasion, each adult person needs at least three cups of fruits and vegetables a day! We all have our excuses for not feeding ourselves well. I know, I know! I'm not trying to get on you about your eating habits All I want is to offer a little perspective. I have made these excuses myself and I am currently scrubbing them off! No more excusing myself! I am working to incorporate healthier eating habits into my long term dietary plan. (No, we are not going on a diet, actually.) Are you with me?
Please allow me to confess my reasons for this madwoman quest. First, I am now six months pregnant and inflicted with a severely guilty conscience. If I do not eat my fruits and veggies, I CANNOT lie to my doctor! And then, (this has happened) she will go on to say how I am gaining unnecessary weight because I am snacking too much on the wrong things.
Ouch, no one likes being called a fatty. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A BELLY! And yes, it still counts even if you pregnant. That conspicuous of a gut can make anyone feel like wearing an eskimo coat.
My other reason for trying this new quest for increasingly healthy eating is that I want to incorporate habits into my life NOW that I can teach my children LATER. That's right, throw five million carrots in the juicer with five million strawberries and no little munchkin can resist.
So far I have found this method to be highly cost effective as well as highly nutritious. If you compare the cost of one week's fruit for an adult, it comes to about $8. (give or take four dollars, depending on the market you use). Okay, now how much money are you spending on blended frappis at Starbucks and potato chips for snacking?
I promise not to judge you for your eating habits! Well....... maybe a little. The point is, I have found a fun and very experimental new way of making my eating even healthier. So, next time you grab a snack, think about the cost. Not just the money, but the payback you will get from your happy and healthy body. :)
Today I want to talk about juice! That's right, the good stuff. :)
As you have probably heard at some point in your life, and doubtless have shrugged off on occasion, each adult person needs at least three cups of fruits and vegetables a day! We all have our excuses for not feeding ourselves well. I know, I know! I'm not trying to get on you about your eating habits All I want is to offer a little perspective. I have made these excuses myself and I am currently scrubbing them off! No more excusing myself! I am working to incorporate healthier eating habits into my long term dietary plan. (No, we are not going on a diet, actually.) Are you with me?
Please allow me to confess my reasons for this madwoman quest. First, I am now six months pregnant and inflicted with a severely guilty conscience. If I do not eat my fruits and veggies, I CANNOT lie to my doctor! And then, (this has happened) she will go on to say how I am gaining unnecessary weight because I am snacking too much on the wrong things.
Ouch, no one likes being called a fatty. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A BELLY! And yes, it still counts even if you pregnant. That conspicuous of a gut can make anyone feel like wearing an eskimo coat.
My other reason for trying this new quest for increasingly healthy eating is that I want to incorporate habits into my life NOW that I can teach my children LATER. That's right, throw five million carrots in the juicer with five million strawberries and no little munchkin can resist.
So far I have found this method to be highly cost effective as well as highly nutritious. If you compare the cost of one week's fruit for an adult, it comes to about $8. (give or take four dollars, depending on the market you use). Okay, now how much money are you spending on blended frappis at Starbucks and potato chips for snacking?
I promise not to judge you for your eating habits! Well....... maybe a little. The point is, I have found a fun and very experimental new way of making my eating even healthier. So, next time you grab a snack, think about the cost. Not just the money, but the payback you will get from your happy and healthy body. :)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
DMF Book project
1. There are several skills that were very useful for me in creating this project. I found the Free Transform tool very helpful, because it allowed me to warp the body of my text and make it fit snugly. I also found the color levels to be helpful. I enjoyed using this tool and altering the shades of my photos, allowing me to make them unique and more striking.
2. I think that my choice to try and use my own photos best served me. Originally I had wanted to created a children's book. But when I realized that my schedule was not going to allow me to complete one, I resorted to flipping through my facebook photo library for ideas. While searching, I realized that I had multiple pictures of shoes. So, I am glad that I made the choice to compile photos and quotes about shoes, because it was fun and challenging.
3. I learned that production schedule can dictate what you produce. As I mentioned before, I would have LOVED to make a children's book, but I was way too busy. Having a deadline helped me work with what I had and try to make something fresh and unique with it. Overall, it was a very fun project.
2. I think that my choice to try and use my own photos best served me. Originally I had wanted to created a children's book. But when I realized that my schedule was not going to allow me to complete one, I resorted to flipping through my facebook photo library for ideas. While searching, I realized that I had multiple pictures of shoes. So, I am glad that I made the choice to compile photos and quotes about shoes, because it was fun and challenging.
3. I learned that production schedule can dictate what you produce. As I mentioned before, I would have LOVED to make a children's book, but I was way too busy. Having a deadline helped me work with what I had and try to make something fresh and unique with it. Overall, it was a very fun project.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
DMF Poster assignment
2. For this project I really used the layers tool a lot more than I have before. I used it for every element of the poster. And I found myself doing things that had previously stumped me! For example, the two central panels of text were not solid at first, but then I began shuffling my layers around until I liked what I saw.
3. I used free transform and cloning to really warp this iconic image of a Disney princess. I felt like this would really catch people's attention. You see, in our minds snow white is perfect, innocent, virtuous. But I didn't want to put a stereotypical image of her on my poster. Otherwise it would be just like all of the others we typically see. I copied the image of her face and made it point in all different directions. I chose that image of her head in particular because she is not smiling and looks more nondescript and shocked than anything. I also used the outline of an apple instead of the traditional red apple with a bite missing. I wanted to imply things here, and not allow the audience to assume that she has or that she will do what they have been told (i.e, taking a bite). I also used text to show more of a modern, almost comic-book style image.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
DMF Assignment Week #6 Portrature
Anyways, this week's assignment was to take three pictures of someone with a story to tell and change them in Photoshop. Inspiration for this project came from a global movement of artists called INSIDEOUTPROJECT. During this lab the HUE/SATURATION and CURVES tools were emphasized. I used both tools on all three pieces.
1. I was excited when I learned about this global project. It introduced new ideas that I had never thought of and made me feel motivated to participate in something so creative, so public, so inspirational, and so darn easy and accessible. Now that I have completed this project, I am surprised at the simplicity of it. But at the same time, the simplicity is packed with layers of complexity; what is behind the expression? what is the story of this subject, or they also the artist? why does it mater to them? how extensive is there contribution? what message are they sending to the world with their photo? The list goes on.
2. I am the subject for all three photos. I did it this way for the sake of time (thank you, midterms. I want my life back now, pleeeeeaaase.) At first I wanted to take pictures of different people. But I stil had a good experience working with my own pictures. I found myself increasingly conscious of how I was changing my appearance and how that appearance might be interpreted. I plan to use the same discression when editing other people's photos.
3. Can art change the world? Yes, it can. First, art is a very broad noun with countless meanings. But in the most general sense, art is a form of expression which portrays certain sentiments. Those sentiments, their message, be it benign or explicit, sad or joyful, pensieve or explosive, will reveal themselves to audiences in countless places. And the message of that artwork will speak, be it queitly or violently, to the audience. Sometimes words aren't enough. But if a picture is worth a thousand words, then I am certain that countless people will take something away from even the smallest image. So, yes. Art can change the world.
DMF Assignment Week #5 Photomontage
Last week's assignment was to combine four photos into one. I ended up doing five because I forgot it was only four! It is posted this week because I had a family emergency and had to miss my lab, which is where I usually complete these assignments.
When choosing pictures, I chose ones from my travels in high school. Obviously the finished product is very tampered. But the idea is that I began to play with new tools that help me to more effectively create and fabricate material. I really stretched my FREE TRANSFORM skills here as well as a new dimension to the tool; Perspective. This tool allowed me to warp the image I had selected and make it look even more realistic. Here is the finished product.
Enjoy. :)
p.s, that is an authentic swiss guard. Yes, he failed to arrest me for taking his picture.
1. The original images for this product are all selected from my personal photos, which I took when traveling in 2008 through Europe. The main picture is originally just me standing in front of stonehenge. Then, on one of the stones you may notice a transformed Easter Island head. That is from a picture I took of a statue in Germany, which was a replica of the originals. The swiss guard on the bottom left hand corner is from a picture I took on my trip to the Vatican City in Rome, Italy. The small version of myself in a chair is from a picture taken in Warwicke Castle, in England. And finally, the image of me on all fours making a very odd face is from a castle in Denmark. Originally I was kneeling on a marble floor beside a bronze statue of a lion, whose expression I am impersonating.
2. The most challenging part of this task was effectively arranging all the pieces. I think that if I had had more time than I would have created a more complex image. However, I am satisfied with the end product, though it is more humorous and exagerated than I anticipated.
3. The reality that I created with this image is that here, at a very iconic historical landmark, there are components that contest traditional expectations. Apparently you didn't know that there is a carving of an easter island head on one of the stonehenge stones? Well, there is! And now, thanks to me, you can see it. This image doesn't tell a sequential tale, but it is packed with implications. With the image of the guard, and me crouching on a rock, I wanted to create a feeling of mischief. Then, with me sitting in a chair making a very arrogant and mocking face, I wanted to give a feeling of spunk, and even rebellion to this piece. I wanted to push the boundaries of the picture as far as I could.
When choosing pictures, I chose ones from my travels in high school. Obviously the finished product is very tampered. But the idea is that I began to play with new tools that help me to more effectively create and fabricate material. I really stretched my FREE TRANSFORM skills here as well as a new dimension to the tool; Perspective. This tool allowed me to warp the image I had selected and make it look even more realistic. Here is the finished product.
Enjoy. :)
p.s, that is an authentic swiss guard. Yes, he failed to arrest me for taking his picture.
2. The most challenging part of this task was effectively arranging all the pieces. I think that if I had had more time than I would have created a more complex image. However, I am satisfied with the end product, though it is more humorous and exagerated than I anticipated.
3. The reality that I created with this image is that here, at a very iconic historical landmark, there are components that contest traditional expectations. Apparently you didn't know that there is a carving of an easter island head on one of the stonehenge stones? Well, there is! And now, thanks to me, you can see it. This image doesn't tell a sequential tale, but it is packed with implications. With the image of the guard, and me crouching on a rock, I wanted to create a feeling of mischief. Then, with me sitting in a chair making a very arrogant and mocking face, I wanted to give a feeling of spunk, and even rebellion to this piece. I wanted to push the boundaries of the picture as far as I could.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
DMF Assignment, Week #4 Erasure
Hello to all!
This week in Digital Media Foundations we have been practicing erasing. That's right! The art of removing things from an image. It has been a very fun activity experimenting with the symbology and implications of the things removed from images. Unfortunately I had a harder time saving things this week. I have all my images, but they were not saved the way I want them to be. On the bright side, they still look interesting and almost odd.... But I hope you like them. It takes a lot more work than you might think. Enjoy!
This week in Digital Media Foundations we have been practicing erasing. That's right! The art of removing things from an image. It has been a very fun activity experimenting with the symbology and implications of the things removed from images. Unfortunately I had a harder time saving things this week. I have all my images, but they were not saved the way I want them to be. On the bright side, they still look interesting and almost odd.... But I hope you like them. It takes a lot more work than you might think. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
DMF Assignment #3, Scratch Project
This week in DMF we have been working with Vector graphics and flat color. In these pieces I was working with a specific set of perameters; flat color, limited paletter, clear shapes. What I played with mostly on this assignment was underlying messages. I found that even with very geometric shapes and sharp colors, I can still create analytical pieces that are creative and constructive.
I hope you like them. :)
1. How are they different from working with continuous tones?
I found that these pieces were different becuase the flat color made everything much sharper. For example, the gradients are simpler and there is a lot less variation in color. Each piece has a distinct shade (and one background is gradient). Initially I thought that a limited palette would be, well, limiting! But I found that working within a distinctive palette made the graphics more striking. I discovered elements that might have otherwise been subtle, had I not stayed within those boundaries.
2. How did you choose which colors to work with?
I never had specific colors in mind. What I tried to do with each piece is to push myself by choosing a random color to start with and then maintaining that color as the hub of my palette. An example of this is my last piece, which says "Freedom has many shapes". The background is not a particularly attractive color. ( I referred to it earlier as vomit mustard.....). But when I started to envision my graphics, I chose the paler gold and black because I thought they looked complimentary. Now that I see my finished piece, I wouldn't change the colors. They have grown on me.
3. Did some color combinations work better than others?
Yes, several color combinations worked better than others. I found that after I chose an initial palette, that I had to be very selective about which colors I chose and where I applied them. One thing I found that helps with color combinations is brightness/contrast. I used this tool to manipulate the hues of these pieces, so that they would have a more unique and eye-catching effect.
I hope you like them. :)
1. How are they different from working with continuous tones?
I found that these pieces were different becuase the flat color made everything much sharper. For example, the gradients are simpler and there is a lot less variation in color. Each piece has a distinct shade (and one background is gradient). Initially I thought that a limited palette would be, well, limiting! But I found that working within a distinctive palette made the graphics more striking. I discovered elements that might have otherwise been subtle, had I not stayed within those boundaries.
2. How did you choose which colors to work with?
I never had specific colors in mind. What I tried to do with each piece is to push myself by choosing a random color to start with and then maintaining that color as the hub of my palette. An example of this is my last piece, which says "Freedom has many shapes". The background is not a particularly attractive color. ( I referred to it earlier as vomit mustard.....). But when I started to envision my graphics, I chose the paler gold and black because I thought they looked complimentary. Now that I see my finished piece, I wouldn't change the colors. They have grown on me.
3. Did some color combinations work better than others?
Yes, several color combinations worked better than others. I found that after I chose an initial palette, that I had to be very selective about which colors I chose and where I applied them. One thing I found that helps with color combinations is brightness/contrast. I used this tool to manipulate the hues of these pieces, so that they would have a more unique and eye-catching effect.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Digital Media Foundations, Type Assignment
Hello friends,
this year I am taking courses for my Emerging Arts and Digital Media minor. For the next eight months I will be posting assignments on my blog. Most of them will be samples of the coursework covered that week, including brief reflective writings.
This first assignment was to experiment with type, or with a single letter and case. As you can see, I got a little creative. :)
Here are my five samples:
2. What attracted you to one of the letters you chose? What things did you notice about the letter as a shape?
When choosing letters, what attracted me was the variation of fonts, not the individual letters. I picked the ones that I thought would give me the most flexibility, like bricks to build a church with. As you can see, several of my samples has subjects that have very definite characteristics. For example, the owl made out of O's. I couldn't have made the owl as easily if I had used an H. :)
3. Did you find working with layers easy and intuitive, or awkward at first? Where there any tricks that made working with layers easier?
At first I was pretty confused. I hadn't used photo shop in five or so years! After lots of mistakes and UGLY results, I discovered two tricks. The first trick is to make a layer for every single part of your canvas. For example, I made a layer for every row and every larger piece of the font so that they could be adjusted individually. The other trick I used, which helped me in adjusting and giving personality to my type, is the COMMAND T, or the FREE TRANSFORM action. This allowed me to manipulate my characters in a new and really exciting way! Check out my giant, tipsy T! The one that appears to be falling over. Also, when I did that piece, I was experimenting with kinetic motion, or implied motion.
4. Were letters always the figures in your compositions, or were there some compositions where they seemed to form the ground for other parts of the composition?
Yes! I referred to this in my first response question as well. But in three of my five samples I created other shapes, using the letters as foundations. In one of them I used a lower case 'i' to create a lego-style samurai warrior! In another I used cursive O's to create an owl. And in the other I used lower case cursive f's to create my version of a kaleidoscope vortex, which reminded me of a dust devil.
this year I am taking courses for my Emerging Arts and Digital Media minor. For the next eight months I will be posting assignments on my blog. Most of them will be samples of the coursework covered that week, including brief reflective writings.
This first assignment was to experiment with type, or with a single letter and case. As you can see, I got a little creative. :)
Here are my five samples:
2. What attracted you to one of the letters you chose? What things did you notice about the letter as a shape?
When choosing letters, what attracted me was the variation of fonts, not the individual letters. I picked the ones that I thought would give me the most flexibility, like bricks to build a church with. As you can see, several of my samples has subjects that have very definite characteristics. For example, the owl made out of O's. I couldn't have made the owl as easily if I had used an H. :)
3. Did you find working with layers easy and intuitive, or awkward at first? Where there any tricks that made working with layers easier?
At first I was pretty confused. I hadn't used photo shop in five or so years! After lots of mistakes and UGLY results, I discovered two tricks. The first trick is to make a layer for every single part of your canvas. For example, I made a layer for every row and every larger piece of the font so that they could be adjusted individually. The other trick I used, which helped me in adjusting and giving personality to my type, is the COMMAND T, or the FREE TRANSFORM action. This allowed me to manipulate my characters in a new and really exciting way! Check out my giant, tipsy T! The one that appears to be falling over. Also, when I did that piece, I was experimenting with kinetic motion, or implied motion.
4. Were letters always the figures in your compositions, or were there some compositions where they seemed to form the ground for other parts of the composition?
Yes! I referred to this in my first response question as well. But in three of my five samples I created other shapes, using the letters as foundations. In one of them I used a lower case 'i' to create a lego-style samurai warrior! In another I used cursive O's to create an owl. And in the other I used lower case cursive f's to create my version of a kaleidoscope vortex, which reminded me of a dust devil.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A Trip to The Great White Ridge
This last weekend my husband and younger brother-in-law Erik went on a camping trip to the Marble Mountain wilderness of northern California. We began our trip early afternoon Friday from a place called Lover's camp. Our destination was a campground in the high country. The scenery was as rugged and unforgiving as it was beautiful. The ascent to our camp took half of a day and we were literally walking up hill the entire time. (Yeah, we're sore!!!). When we finally arrived at camp, the site of the marble mountains stole my breath away. Having been raised at their base, I was marginally accustomed to their majesty. I had also, at the age of 12, had the opportunity to pack in from the opposite side and spend one night at the Cuddyhys. The sight of that place brought me to tears (though no one else saw it) and I stood in awe of this amazing world that God created for us. It was a very moving place to be.
Once we settled into camp, we took off up the mountain towards the marble ridge in pursuit of a cave. Jason knew of this cave from a trip he took earlier in the summer with friends from High School. I had never been caving before, so I agreed to give it a shot. This cave offered a very unique and personal experience for me. Upon entering I became extremely wary, as I was a guest in this delicate and foreign place. It was dark and cold, yet in many places possessed strong winds and miraculous forms of life. There were times while caving that I felt myself being pushed to the very limit; facing fears that I did not know I had. (For example, you might not know you're afraid of heights until you are climbing around a 30 ft ravine for 30 seconds (It's also pitch black, FYI). ). When we reached the end of the cave I felt exhilarated but also incredibly small. Rubbing noses (literally) with nature as we had just done was a very humbling thing. The end of the cave opened up to a 1000 ft. sheer cliff that gave us a breathtaking view of the entire valley. Now is where my personal trial began. Somehow in my preparation and planning, I had misunderstood that this cave was the one which required us to return the same way we had come. You see, the whole time that I had been facing those frightening things, I had found solace in thinking that once I got to the end of the cave it would be over. But no. I felt like Nephi of old as I was asked to return again the way I had come and face those things which had pushed me so far and nearly led me to tears. At first I was frustrated with my husband for not specifying what would be required of us within the walls of the cave. Had I known beforehand, I might not have gone. As I pondered our circumstances, I came to realize that Jason played the role of a loving Heavenly Father here, in that he had led me so far and kept me safe the whole time. Surely he would not ask me to do something that I could not do. So, I swallowed my frustration and stepped back into the cave with tired and shaking limbs. The cave was not less scary or any easier when exiting. I felt reverenced as I realized that had I known what was in store, I would not have done it. But having had those powerful experiences, I know that it has made me better (and also helped me trust my husband more). When we got to the real end of the cave, all I could say was "I've never been so happy to see a giant whole in the ground!!" And it was completely true.
Another powerful experience we had was that evening. As we were preparing for nightfall, each of us felt prompted to change the sleeping arrangements we had. The original plan was for Jason and I to share a tiny tent and for Erik to sleep in a hamock on the other side of the campfire. Each of us felt that we should not do that, but sleep outside and right next to the fire. We kept the fire going all night to ward off any curious animals. None of us slept more than three to four hours that night, always taking turns watching the fire and keeping the pistol on hand. We heard eerie noises, gun shots, and large animals moving in the forest near the edge of our camp. I've never felt so exposed in my life. Saturday morning, after surviving the long night, Jason went to get water at a nearby creek not 300 feet from where we had been resting. He found very fresh cougar prints there, that had not been there the previous evening when we last filled our water bottles.
Also, in the early morning I saw a bear crossing a meadow that lay to one side of camp. When he saw me he was completely startled and took of running the opposite direction. He was only 200 ft from me and he had no idea we were there. It was as though a shield of protection lay around us; making creatures oblivious to our presence. But how could they have been? Surely they would have smelled three human bodies, our food, or campfire smoke? No, they did not. We were truly protected that night. I have rarely been as grateful for following the promptings of the holy ghost.
Well, those are the two intense things that happened. But the wilderness was beautiful and breathtaking. I look forward to returning again someday (with more people and probably more guns...). Till then, I will remember those experiences and how they have already helped shape me.
Once we settled into camp, we took off up the mountain towards the marble ridge in pursuit of a cave. Jason knew of this cave from a trip he took earlier in the summer with friends from High School. I had never been caving before, so I agreed to give it a shot. This cave offered a very unique and personal experience for me. Upon entering I became extremely wary, as I was a guest in this delicate and foreign place. It was dark and cold, yet in many places possessed strong winds and miraculous forms of life. There were times while caving that I felt myself being pushed to the very limit; facing fears that I did not know I had. (For example, you might not know you're afraid of heights until you are climbing around a 30 ft ravine for 30 seconds (It's also pitch black, FYI). ). When we reached the end of the cave I felt exhilarated but also incredibly small. Rubbing noses (literally) with nature as we had just done was a very humbling thing. The end of the cave opened up to a 1000 ft. sheer cliff that gave us a breathtaking view of the entire valley. Now is where my personal trial began. Somehow in my preparation and planning, I had misunderstood that this cave was the one which required us to return the same way we had come. You see, the whole time that I had been facing those frightening things, I had found solace in thinking that once I got to the end of the cave it would be over. But no. I felt like Nephi of old as I was asked to return again the way I had come and face those things which had pushed me so far and nearly led me to tears. At first I was frustrated with my husband for not specifying what would be required of us within the walls of the cave. Had I known beforehand, I might not have gone. As I pondered our circumstances, I came to realize that Jason played the role of a loving Heavenly Father here, in that he had led me so far and kept me safe the whole time. Surely he would not ask me to do something that I could not do. So, I swallowed my frustration and stepped back into the cave with tired and shaking limbs. The cave was not less scary or any easier when exiting. I felt reverenced as I realized that had I known what was in store, I would not have done it. But having had those powerful experiences, I know that it has made me better (and also helped me trust my husband more). When we got to the real end of the cave, all I could say was "I've never been so happy to see a giant whole in the ground!!" And it was completely true.
Another powerful experience we had was that evening. As we were preparing for nightfall, each of us felt prompted to change the sleeping arrangements we had. The original plan was for Jason and I to share a tiny tent and for Erik to sleep in a hamock on the other side of the campfire. Each of us felt that we should not do that, but sleep outside and right next to the fire. We kept the fire going all night to ward off any curious animals. None of us slept more than three to four hours that night, always taking turns watching the fire and keeping the pistol on hand. We heard eerie noises, gun shots, and large animals moving in the forest near the edge of our camp. I've never felt so exposed in my life. Saturday morning, after surviving the long night, Jason went to get water at a nearby creek not 300 feet from where we had been resting. He found very fresh cougar prints there, that had not been there the previous evening when we last filled our water bottles.
Also, in the early morning I saw a bear crossing a meadow that lay to one side of camp. When he saw me he was completely startled and took of running the opposite direction. He was only 200 ft from me and he had no idea we were there. It was as though a shield of protection lay around us; making creatures oblivious to our presence. But how could they have been? Surely they would have smelled three human bodies, our food, or campfire smoke? No, they did not. We were truly protected that night. I have rarely been as grateful for following the promptings of the holy ghost.
Well, those are the two intense things that happened. But the wilderness was beautiful and breathtaking. I look forward to returning again someday (with more people and probably more guns...). Till then, I will remember those experiences and how they have already helped shape me.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Something GREEEEEN In Ashland
This week I have taken my first step in becoming a gardener. Since I have no flower beds to plant in, I have utilized a teacup-shaped planter that I was given for my bridal shower in May. So, this week I planted two little flower bushes! One purple and one dark pink. (The pink one is named Polly and the purple one is named Minerva. :D)
Jason and I are so excited to have these two little plants. One day we hope to have space enough for planting a real garden with vegetables, fruits, AND flowers. Until then, it will have to be small and random places that turn up along the way. Be warned, things are brewing in the teacup!!
Jason and I are so excited to have these two little plants. One day we hope to have space enough for planting a real garden with vegetables, fruits, AND flowers. Until then, it will have to be small and random places that turn up along the way. Be warned, things are brewing in the teacup!!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Can you say CAKE!?!
(Oh, and for ROO! I promised you pictures of the house. Here are a few! The kitchen is microscopic and very colorful. I hope you approve. :).)
Sunday, August 14, 2011
No Place Like Home!
This week Jason and I finally moved into our apartment in Ashland. YAY! We have spent hours unloading boxes and unpacking endless gifts. It feels like we atually got married now. :). Unfortunately our furniture is two weeks behind us, so we are roughing it and laying on the floor on some coushy blankets and pillows. Okay, so we are not napping this weekend...
For our first meal we made Macaroni and Cheese and then went to bed early. The movers are worn out!
I will post pictures when we move our furniture in. :D
For our first meal we made Macaroni and Cheese and then went to bed early. The movers are worn out!
I will post pictures when we move our furniture in. :D
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